I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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