I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
