Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
