I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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