The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think my vagina is haunted
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
