then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
