Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Bring me that man meat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
