Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
