is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
