Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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