New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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