I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
