Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
