i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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