matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
there is puke in my bra ... again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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