Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
