Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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