Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize