So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
