I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
