you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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