Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
