we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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