You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
