I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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