She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize