I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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