hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
