O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
