I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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