the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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