he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
