Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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