Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's just like the Real World with babies
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
