Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
