You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize