I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
