I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
