you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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