Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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