I hate your face
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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