he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
