i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize