She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
