I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
