I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
