thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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