I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize