Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
