She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
