Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
