I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
