Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
