theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
