It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize