Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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