Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize