The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
