Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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