U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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