Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
