I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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