no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
